I wake up feeling awful every day, without fail, thanks to menopausal insomnia.
I will have got up in the night to go to the loo at least three or four times. I have hot sweats every hour, which wake me up. I throw the covers off, pull them on, change my pillow over, turn my pillow, multiple times.
Every single night.
The majority of the sleep I get is between 11pm and 4am, although that is interrupted as I’ve described above. Between 4am and 6am I sometimes don’t sleep at all. If I’m really lucky I drop back off, but when I then wake up I feel like I’ve had no sleep whatsoever.
This happens 7 nights a week, 365 days a year. There is no respite. When my babies were first born I got more sleep, even when they were feeding every three hours. But at least they went through the night, eventually, so there was an end in sight. I feel there’s no end in sight with my menopausal insomnia as I know it lasts 10-15 years for some ladies.
My days
For the first hour of the day I feel really groggy. I keep my eyes shut for as long as possible but then when I know I won’t drop back off I generally check my phone for the first half hour, just while I’m waking up. Then I usually go out and exercise, which could just be a walk along the beach if I’m completely depleted of energy. If I’ve woken up a bit then I try to run although it’s usually interspersed with more walking. Other times I go for a bike ride or do some paddleboarding.
Exercise lifts my spirits and makes me feel human. It also gives me energy, which may sound odd, but it improves my mood completely. Without it I am super grumpy. I see the same faces on the seafront most mornings and say hello, watch the sun rise, just make the most of living by the beach.
I’m definitely a morning person. I feel good in the mornings and am motivated for work. My energy levels often dip at lunchtime and I am sometimes so exhausted I rest my head on my arms at my desk, just to close my eyes for a couple of minutes.
I eat my lunch in front of the TV and sometimes rest my eyes then too. Then it’s back to work for the afternoon.
In the evenings I often drop off to sleep on the sofa, sometimes just for ten minutes, sometimes longer.
When we were in lockdown it meant I had less of a social life, which actually suited me just fine. I love people, really value my friends and family, but I’m obsessed with sleep and going to bed so going out less was fine by me. No late nights, less pressure to stay up.
This all started way back in 2017/2018 and I’ve had lots of advice for improving my sleep, from friends who mean well, my GP, various nurses. I started taking HRT which helped slightly but then I got breast cancer so had to stop, and the tablets I now take (Tamoxifen) actually make the symptoms even worse! I can’t take many of the herbal remedies, and definitely nothing containing any hormones, which many of them do.
I was even prescribed sleeping tablets when I was going through chemotherapy, but they didn’t work.
The Tamoxifen has many other side effects including aching bones and weight gain. It’s a delightful drug (NOT!) but if it stops the cancer coming back then it’s all worth it.
I’m not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me, I’m writing it for all those other menopausal ladies who don’t sleep. Judging by how many of my friends are affected, it’s an epidemic.
I sometimes wonder what would happen if it was a male issue. Would more treatments be available? We women do seem to get the rough end of the deal don’t we? A chronic lack of sleep is just something else that we have to get used to coping with, on top of our family and work commitments.
Menopausal tips for getting more sleep
If you’re a fellow sufferer, tossing and turning every night, throwing the covers off the bed and then pulling them back on, I would love to wave a magic wand for you. But I can’t, so all I can suggest are the things that keep me sane.
These are the things I can’t do without :
- Exercise
- Talking to my female friends
- Eating cakes, ice cream, and cakes with ice cream (in moderation, usually)
I would recommend talking to your family when you’re feeling particularly grouchy. My husband and boys are very patient with me, mainly. Ask your family for forbearance, ask them to give you a break if you’re snappy.
There are manufacturers like Simba who have invented high tech mattresses and other products such as duvets and pillows which are designed to dissipate heat. Their King Size Mattress range was developed to stop that annoying ripple effect when your sleeping partner moves – which is sometimes an issue for me and Lee!
I should have been on a post-lockdown camping weekend today, but I cancelled as the thought of a compost toilet and sweaty night in a tent with no ice cold drinks was making me too anxious. I felt really guilty pulling out, but the worry was affecting my sleep even more!
So I’m afraid I have no easy answers for all those ladies out there with chronic menopausal insomnia, but you’re not alone, there are tens of thousands of us out there.
More reading
I recently discovered a lady called Louise Bowditch who is a menopausal advocate with lots of useful info on her website, which you can read here.
One of my best friends Jo has written a brilliant blog post about the menopausal beach body blues, about how poor body image during the menopause can affect what should be a great time of the year. It really resonates with me, and I’m sure many others will understand these feelings too.
Here are more tips from Simba on how to sleep better as you get older.
Read more about my cancer journey :
– My cancer diagnosis
– My first breast cancer surgery
– What happens at a chemo session?
– My chemo half time analysis
– My chemo side effects
– Making a breast cast
– My mastectomy
– My radiotherapy treatment
– 10 Ways to help someone with cancer
– Am I in remission?
– What is Scar Work?
– My breast reconstruction surgery
– Find travel insurance after cancer