My Mastectomy

This is probably the most difficult post I’ve written, because having a mastectomy is a massive deal, and easier to deal with physically than mentally.   Breasts are a key part of what makes us female, and I was very attached to mine!  They’ve served me well, both practically and aesthetically, so the surgery wasn’t something I was looking forward to.  Having said that, I’ve come out the other side feeling stronger in every way, and like many things on this cancer ‘journey’ it’s not nearly as bad as you think it’s going to be…

I was originally going to have the surgery after the rest of my treatment, but it was brought forward to be straight after chemo, which was an unexpected shock.  I also couldn’t have an immediate reconstruction, another disappointment, so I’d have to get used to having a flat chest on one side.

One thing which really made me feel better was making my breast cast – a permanent reminder of how my boobs looked before the operation.  However, I still had a few major wobbles in the days leading up to the surgery.  I kept looking at them in the mirror, trying to remember them as a matching pair. 

Nail Polish

I had assumed I’d have to take off my lovely gel nail polish for the surgery as my sister and other nurses said I’d need to have it removed, so that the operating team can check the appearance of the nail beds in case of emergency.  It may seem vain and daft, but my nails are one of the things which have stayed nice throughout my treatment and I didn’t want them to get weak and break at this late stage.  At the pre-op check I got some good news though.  The nurse said that they only need to check one nail bed, so what I did was ask my nail technician to paint eight of them in a nude colour and leave the middle fingers bare.  It didn’t look odd and at least would give them the best chance of staying strong.

As I left work the day before the operation it was with a massive sense of dread.   One lovely colleague wished me luck as I headed down the stairs and it set me off!  She was being really kind but sometimes it’s when someone is really nice that you end up getting emotional.  So I had a bit of a cry in the car on the drive home, but worse was to come… 

STOP!
Before I get into the nitty gritty (of my titty!) I’m doing my usual plea to check yourselves. Girls, please examine your boobs and don’t miss a smear appointment. Boys, please cop a feel of your balls and if there’s anything unusual get it checked out. It could save your life!

Meltdown

I had a massive meltdown during the evening, going slightly insane with the thought of what was going to happen.  I went to see my sister and cried on her shoulder, and then stayed up until the wee small hours watching TV with my older son.  It was one of those times where you don’t want the next day to come, so I only had a couple of hours sleep which wasn’t ideal.   But the day DID come, so I said my goodbyes to the children and as my husband dropped me off at the hospital I was very emotional.

I pulled myself together though, and as my lovely friend Tori would say, I put on my big girl’s pants and went into the unit.   I saw a nurse who did all the usual checks, gave me some horrible compression stockings and did a pregnancy test!  It did make me laugh, but they have to be sure…

Then I saw my breast care nurse and we had a nice chat.   She gave me the soft-form prosthesis which I’d use for the first few weeks after the operation.  They are very comfy, squishy things, stuffed with what my mum would call ‘kapok’ – the kind of thing she uses for her knitted soft toys!

Next up was my surgeon, who is the most lovely lady and able to give medical information in a really caring way.  I proudly showed her how I’d left two nails bare, and she said that they’d tested someone with gel polish the week before and all the nail bed checks worked with it, so I didn’t even need to leave them bare!  I could have had lovely glittery nails for the operation!  She also said that the woolly bobble hat that I’ve been wearing for most of the winter to cover my very thin hair, could be kept on throughout the procedure which made me so happy as it’s become a bit of a comfort blanket for me.

So I was wheeled into the operating theatre, hat intact, and I don’t remember much after the anaesthetist gave me something to ‘relax me’.   When I got back onto the recovery ward I took a peek under the gown.  My wound was covered with a clear plastic dressing and was very neat, but nothing could disguise the fact that my lovely breast had gone.  I was very sad and tearful, and it didn’t help that there was a guy in the opposite bed staring at me.  Well, it seemed like that, so I asked the nurse to close my curtain.   She gave me some pain relief as I was a bit sore, and gallons of squash as I’d not been able to drink much before the op.

After an hour or so I was fine though!  I was moved further up the ward where I was given some toast and more squash.   After a while I was encouraged to get dressed, which included my fake boob for the first time.   I think it looked OK, and I once again had symmetrical bumps in my top, which to an untrained eye made me look normal.  The nurses called my sister to collect me and I left around 1.30pm, just a few hours after arriving. It seems like a very speedy discharge but I was staying at my sister’s house and not only is she a nurse but I was spoiled rotten and waited on hand and foot!

My surgeon doesn’t tend to use drains, which I think is great as it meant I healed quite quickly and didn’t have to worry so much about getting an infection.  I did get a build-up of fluid called a seroma but this is normal and disappeared after a few weeks.  I think I actually recovered quicker from the mastectomy than from my first surgery, as it hadn’t affected my armpit this time.  I was driving after 5 days, back to work at 10 days, riding my scooter after a couple of weeks and jogging within 6 weeks.  I realise that I seem to recover from these things quicker than others, so don’t want this to sound like I’m being any kind of superwoman.  I went at my own pace, and didn’t overdo it at all.   I think I’ve been lucky in many ways, but also have a ‘get on with it’ attitude, and with a family to look after I can’t dwell on things or lounge on the sofa for too long. The priority is to get back to normality, which for me is keeping fit and having an active life.

I had a shock at the follow-up appointment with my surgeon, which was a couple of weeks after the operation. The tissue which they removed was sent off to the laboratory to be dissected and inspected, and in mine they found another tumour, some 15mm in diameter!  So that little bugger survived chemo, which is often used to shrink cancer, so goodness knows how big it was before.  I didn’t need any justification for having the mastectomy, but this gave it to me anyway. 

After a couple of months I saw the breast care nurse who fitted me with a silicone prosthesis.  I also have a knitted knocker for swimming or chilling in a jacuzzi on a spa day. Knitted Knockers are a charity who link knitters with ladies who’ve had mastectomies and they make knitted prostheses with either stuffing, or a shower scrunchie which can get wet.  It’s a whole new world of fake boobies, I can tell you!

My next step is radiotherapy which starts in a few weeks, and then I’ve got an appointment with my surgeon early in 2020 to talk about reconstruction.   Since those early tears after the operation I haven’t once felt sad about losing my breast.  Looking at my scar actually makes me feel strong, weirdly.  Cancer may have caused a hiccup in my life but I’m not going to let it stop me doing the things I want to do, and planning for the future.  My hair has started to grow back, so hopefully by the summer I will look more normal and less like an ageing skinhead!

HAVE YOU GOT LIFE OR CRITICAL ILLNESS INSURANCE?
If the answer is no, then maybe it’s time to sort it out. Unfortunately I didn’t have critical illness cover which would have given me a handy payout and taken the pressure off, financially. I do have good life insurance cover though as I think it’s vital to protect my family if the worst were to happen. You can always speak to the really helpful people at LifeSearch, the UK’s biggest life and protection insurance broker, and loved by Martin ‘MoneySavingExpert’ Lewis. Use this link to get in touch with them and they’ll help guide you through the process – and will also know that you’re from the Diary Of A Detour website.

If you’ve got to the end then thanks for reading this mammoth post!  I hope it provides reassurance to others going through the same thing, and that it’s possible to live a full life through cancer treatment. 

Read More

Read more about my cancer journey :
– My cancer diagnosis
– My first breast cancer surgery
– What happens at a chemo session?
– My chemo half time analysis
– My chemo side effects
– Making a breast cast
– My mastectomy
– My radiotherapy treatment
– 10 Ways to help someone with cancer
– Am I in remission?
– What is Scar Work?
– My breast reconstruction surgery
– Find travel insurance after cancer

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