If someone you know is diagnosed with cancer then you will probably feel frustrated that you can’t make it better for them and want to help them. Their medical team will be looking after their physical health but there are many things you can do to cheer them up, give them practical help and support them through this difficult period. I’ve assembled some random acts of kindness, many of which are completely free, which will really brighten up their day.
Having been through cancer treatment myself I’ve been overwhelmed with the many offers of help I’ve had, so I thought I’d share some of them.
Here are my 10 ways to help someone with cancer, in no particular order!
1. Send a message
The first way to help someone with cancer is really quick, simple and FREE! Just send your friend a message. You may not always get a reply but knowing that others are thinking of you is really lovely when you’re feeling down. It can be really simple such as “No need to reply but I wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you and sending hugs”. I received countless messages from people I barely know, and felt loved, motivated and supported as a result.
2. Childcare and dogwalking
If your friend has children or pets then offering to help out with them is a brilliant, practical act of kindness. The lovely mums at my son’s school were awesome and would pick up or drop him off, or have him for a few hours on treatment days. Other friends picked up the slack too with lifts and offers of playdates, and I was so grateful.
Dogs can sometimes need more attention than children, so an offer to take a friend’s pooch for a walk will probably be very gratefully received.
You could also pamper the dog to make sure your friend doesn’t feel like their fur baby is missing out while their mind is on other matters.
3. Offer a massage
My Mum and sister felt particularly helpless when I was going through chemo but one of the best things they could do for me was give me a foot rub or head massage when I was feeling poorly or tired. I’m also prone to restless leg syndrome and massaging them is the best way of easing the compulsion to move. I was so grateful for my Mum and sister’s patient massages!
One of my best friends is also my hairdresser and she would invite me into the salon to wash my hair or give me a head massage. It was so lovely, and even though I didn’t have much hair it was a real treat.
You could buy them some lovely candles or wax melts too, to get that spa experience at home!
4. Paint a stone
I love a random act of kindness and when one of my closest friends decorated a stone for me I was really touched. She painted it with inspirational words and I kept it on display for strength when I was feeling down. It really helped! You could decorate one with any words or pictures which mean something to the person you are making it for.
You can use Sharpies or paint to decorate the stone and then either keep it matt, or if you’d prefer it shiny then lacquer it with some clear nail varnish. It’s something that’s really cheap to make but will mean a lot.
5. Send a card
Sending a card to someone with cancer is always appreciated. Etsy has some really brilliant ones which are supportive and often funny. Just because someone has cancer doesn’t mean they have lost their sense of humour and a witty card will bring a smile to their day. Here are just some of the ones you can get on there and there are some which are specific to a type of cancer.
6. Collect a prescription
Most cancer patients will need a cocktail of different drugs to support their treatment. If they’re feeling poorly but need some medication then offering to collect a prescription is invaluable. Be aware that cancer patients have a medical exemption certificate which gives them free prescriptions, so you’d need to collect that from them before picking up the script from the doctor and then taking it to a pharmacy. One of my lovely neighbours did this for me and it was SO helpful.
7. Be a helpful co-worker
It can be difficult to know how to help a colleague with cancer but some little things can really make their lives easier. If you’re their manager then being supportive means that work is one less thing for that person to deal with. My manager didn’t bat an eyelid when I needed time off for hospital checkups or treatment, or even for a day off to do something fun in the middle of it all. I was lucky that I could work through my treatment, and found it was a great distraction from the world of cancer.
Another colleague pulled me to one side to ask about how to deal with co-workers with winter sniffles. I said that the best thing they could do was let me know, and I could move to a different desk if I felt their germs would affect my low immunity.
[this was written before covid and now I’m sure the advice is much more targeted and everyone will be aware of vulnerable people more]
Just talking to the person with cancer about it and seeing how they’d like to be dealt with is so much better than ignoring it.
8. Wig fund / collection
Although most of my ideas to help someone with cancer are free, if you do want to treat your friend then getting together with others for a collection is a lovely gift. In the US it’s common for friends to club together and donate to a ‘wig fund’ for someone with cancer, for them to buy a wig and anything else they need. Some lovely friends of mine did this, and arranged for some angel wings to be painted in Brighton on my birthday (read about it here), and the leftover cash was presented to me afterwards. I used it to buy a wig, and arrange for a massage and other treats at a local spa to cheer myself up during treatment.
There are lots of expenses associated with cancer so you’re less likely to treat yourself around this time, especially if you’re working less and don’t have sick pay. The school mums clubbed together and paid for afternoon tea at a posh hotel, which was a lovely experience that I shared with my sister to celebrate the end of radiotherapy.
9. Be helpful around the house
It’s hard to keep going at home when you’re feeling poorly so any help from family or friends is much appreciated. Offering to get a drink, do the washing, ironing, cleaning and cooking are all so helpful and take the pressure off the person with cancer.
10. Tell them they look great!
When you’re going through cancer treatment you’re not exactly feeling your best. Whether it’s because you’re wearing a wig or hat to hide your hair loss, have lost or gained weight during chemo, had a skin breakout from treatment or just generally feeling rubbish – it’s always lovely to receive a compliment. I never knew if people were just being kind or whether they really meant it, but it always cheered me up when people said I looked great, especially if I was a bit under the weather and definitely not feeling my best!
HAVE YOU GOT LIFE OR CRITICAL ILLNESS INSURANCE?
If the answer is no, then maybe it’s time to sort it out. Unfortunately I didn’t have critical illness cover which would have given me a handy payout and taken the pressure off, financially. I do have good life insurance cover though as I think it’s vital to protect my family if the worst were to happen. You can always speak to the really helpful people at LifeSearch, the UK’s biggest life and protection insurance broker, and loved by Martin ‘MoneySavingExpert’ Lewis. Use this link to get in touch with them and they’ll help guide you through the process – and will also know that you’re from the Diary Of A Detour website.
Helping someone with cancer
I hope my ideas for how to help someone with cancer have inspired you if you want to do something for a friend or family member being treated for this horrible disease. It’s always the little things which mean the most and I’m speaking from personal experience with my recommendations above. I was inspired myself by the 28 random acts of kindness on the Tea & Cake For The Soul website, which offers a month’s worth of small acts for anyone (with or without cancer!) which mean a lot.
I also read recently about 10 ways you can help someone with chronic illness which was great because I know a few people struggling with long-term pain and other issues.
Read more about my cancer journey :
– My cancer diagnosis
– My first breast cancer surgery
– What happens at a chemo session?
– My chemo half time analysis
– My chemo side effects
– Making a breast cast
– My mastectomy
– My radiotherapy treatment
– 10 Ways to help someone with cancer
– Am I in remission?
– What is Scar Work?
– My breast reconstruction surgery
– Find travel insurance after cancer
Great tips. As you say it can be hard for people to know how to help.
Thanks for reading! Yes indeed, I hope these inspire some ideas when your loved one is going through cancer treatment…